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We Must Preserve The Sanctity Of Cool

TDW loves to see a good protest on her way to class. She loves it even more when the protest targets her least favorite member of the House of Representatives, Speaker Brian Bosma.

Apparently, B-Boz is holding his annual fundraiser at the Rathskeller, TDW's favorite bar, which happens to be right in the heart of the fabulous, gay-friendly arts district that is Massachusetts Avenue.

The Indiana Action Network makes some good points about your misguided legislative stances on its website, but look, Brian, TDW has to level with you: This isn't about that. It's about, well, it's about the larger social issue.

If we let you bring your band of dorky, conservative donors into our hip, trendy district, we're embarking on a slippery slope. Next thing we know, you'll be hanging out at MacNiven's until 3 a.m. or leafing through lesbian lit at Out Word Bound. Your people will destroy the sanctity of our sacred Avenue.

And so, in order to address your aberrant behavior, TDW is pleased to announce her Hometown Improvement Plan (HIP).

Under the plan, a series of cultural districts will be geographically outlined throughout the city. Conservatives, readily identifiable using the latest Brooks Brothers catalog, will be welcome to enter into a district, but they will have to pay increased taxes on any items purchased or services received there. Oh, and there'll have to be a curfew, because we can't have your kind hanging around after-hours, trying to impose normalcy on the so-called oddballs and outcasts that make up our happy little liberal family.

Along those lines, we feel it necessary to explain that this legislation has deep roots. America's long history of freaks and weirdos dates back to those Boston tea-tossers and Ben Franklin's crazy key-and-kite experiment. We've always been a little outside-the-box, but that doesn't mean we don't have rights.

Really, Brian, it's unfortunate that conservatives and liberals can't all live together in harmony, but you just don't respect our traditions and history, so we have no choice but to take the extraordinary action of excluding you from our cultural hot spots. It's either that, or we're staging a kiss-in at Meridian Hills Country Club on Saturday. The choice, as they say, is yours.

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Comments

Saw the protest on Monday afternoon. Great idea and execution. Glad I wasn't the only one to see it!

My only complaint, TDW, is that Brooks Brothers does not equal conservative. As the sales staff told me once (as I bought a red and blue striped regalia tie), they have outfitted every US President since who knows when... But definitely since the 19-teens...

So, we have to go with some other unique identifier...

wow, that was truly funny. But I have to agree about the Brooks Brothers comment. I think that, um, many folks in the gay community actually love Brooks Brothers. You need another identifier

All right, all right. I get it. Brooks Brothers isn't as uncool as I thought. (I have clothes from there, I confess, but I'm not the hippest chick in the flock.)

But if we can't stereotype Republicans, we can't talk to them on their level. After all, to them, we're all God-hatin' peacenik freaks who want to impose our hidden agenda on the traditional American family. Yep. That's right. I support gay marriage because I want my parents to get divorced. And have sex with sheep. You caught me, conservatives.

By the by, if they knew we wore clothes from Brooks Brothers, they'd stop shopping there.

Sorry to disappoint, but there isn't going to be any ravishing of poolboys or buxom dancing diva's at our house. And the sheep are strictly there to maintain the lawn.

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